Having open conversations about finances is essent🌄ial for any healthy romantic relationship but bringing up money can feel awkward and uncomfortable no matter how long you’ve been lovebirds.

A February 2023 study by Bread Financial found that baby boomers tend to discuss finances with their partners the least of any generation. Only 13% of those surveyed admitted to talking about finances daily. Millennials were a different story, however: 39% claimed to discuss money daily with their partners. 

Regardless of how old you or your relationship is, talking about money is key to a healthy relationship. Here's how you can approach the topic.

Where to Start Talking About Money?

Not all money conversations are good ones and it's possible to talk about the topic too much. It's best to focus on quality rather than prioritize frequency.

Certified financial planner says that one of the easiest ways to start is to “Concentrate on future goals instead of past spending habits. Start with a question likeꦫ, ‘What do we want our finances to look like in three years?’” This kind of open-ended question avoids finger-pointing and provides a neutral starting point to discover how each of you values money.

How to Talk About Money

Regular and healthy talks about money can help you and your partner unpack finan꧂cial fears and money scripts as well as plan for financial independence and shared milestones.

The 2024 Fidelity Investments Couples and Money Study found that one in four of 1,794 couples surveyed resented being left out of decisions regarding finances and money and 45% said they argued about money at least occasionally. But 78% said they discussed finances at least once a month. Another 36% indicated that they couldn’t agree with their partner about how
much the other earned.

Money issues like conflicting spending habits, opposing views on saving and investing, and dead-end jobs can breed resentment over time if they're not addressed proactively. Keeping lines of communication open within couples is essential to the overall solvency of a committed relationship but it's just the first step. Discussing spending priorities, savings goals, and debt management can help yo🏅u find compromises and solutions a🌱s a team.

You may have to have financial conversations with children, aging parents, ex-spouses, co-parents, business partners, and anyone else who relies on your household income. Setting priorities within your partnership can help you speak with oꦇne voice when discussing boundaries with others.

Establish a Foundation of Trust

Many people were raised to believe that talking about money is rude or taboo. Raising the topic of money before your relationship is on solid emotional ground can feel like a recipe for disaster. Early transparency around money can help you determine if this partnership is going to work in the long term, however. It's less about how much money sits in each bank account and more about whether you both see eye to eye about how you spend, save, and value that money.

Weiss says it’s best to make financial discussions a regular part of your relationship routine. This normalizes conversations rather than arguments about money. You can use a common monthly billing cycle as the anchor to review your number❀s. You can agree to read a personal finance book or listen to a money-focused podcast and discuss it monthly if you want to dig deeper into concepts.

These periodic check-ins are opportunities to disclose money woes and craft strategies together. They're also times to acknowledge wins like promotions, investment growth, and debt paydown. Knowing your partner can handle the good aဣnd the bad is really what healthy relationships are made o🌟f.

You must expect that these conversations are going to be emotional, however. Try not to lash out in fear or anger when gathering information about your partner’s money hygiene. Don’t beat yourself up about any slip-ups throughou𒆙t the month. Listen with empathy and devise a plan to set things right. The intention is to build a culture of accountability and discipline, not one of extreme austerity or shame.

Get Excited About Shared Financial Goals

Chances are that shared interests brought you a🍨nd your partner together in the first place. Focu👍s on the meaningful life events and accomplishments you’d like to share and build conversations around the part each of you will play in ensuring that those milestones come to pass.

“Couples should set goals 💞both individually and together and should understand what each of tꦬhem is trying to accomplish and work toward,” says , a wealth advisor and the host of the Mitlin Money Mindset podcast. “Although income and salaries may be different, as long as your goals are aligned, the combined incomes should be viewed as being available toward both your individual goals [and your goals] as a couple.”

Talking about money with your partner ensures that you both have a solid game plan to advance your li༺ves as a couple.

Use These Tips to Talk to Your Partner

Choosing the right time and place for money discussions ensures a nonconfrontational and supp🍷ortive environment to tackle what could be a sensitive topic for you or your partner. Some effective strategies can initiate a conversation about money with your partner, however.

Work Through the Details

Figuring out the nitty-gritty of budgeting and expenses together can feel overwhelming. Being honest about your incomes, debts, and other financial obligatioಌns can make combining your finances more manageable. Excessive privacy or vagueness breeds mistrust. Trust that you can share the details with your partner and that they won’t judge you but instead serve as a supportive sounding board.

Discuss Debt

“The important thing here is to have an honest and transparent conversation ab𝐆out your respective debt,” Sprung says. “Put it all on the table and begin to have a conversation about who is going to take care of the debt, one of you or both, and put a plan together to start extinguishing it immediately so you can start off on a clean slate as a couple.”

Couples approach debt in vari💟ous ways. Some combine finances and include premarital debt in their joint financial goals. Others choose not to work together to pay off individual debt.

“Another approach I’ve seen work is to split debt repayment based on each partner’s income level,” Weiss says. “This method makes a lot of sense when the partne🍷r with higher debt, often due to student loans, also has a higher income.”

Expect that these discussions might be more heated if eithe💮r of y♋ou is carrying debt from a prior relationship. Rely on the foundation of trust to create a plan that you both can commit to.

Use Technology

Gone are the days of spreadsheets and shoe boxes full of receipts. You can use trackers on your credit and bank cards to closely monitor spending. All the transactions will be visible and accessible to discuss at your monthly money meeting if you share cards. Try apps that combine bank accounts and track spending as you swipe if you want to combine your finances. The appꦯ and (You Need a Budget) 🌌are paid alternatives.

You can agree to set spending alerts on your accounts to curb frivolous spending or celebrate debt paydown. Establi🍸sh autopay to avoid any penalties or late fees. Dꦰon’t rely solely on memory and willpower to reach your collective goals, especially long-term ones like retiring, buying a house, or paying off student loans.

Swap "Shoulds" for "Coulds"

Personal finance conversations are often laden with regret no matter how much or how little money you have. Hindsight is 20/20 and most people recognize that they c🎀ould have made sma✱rter money decisions at some point.

Focus on the future rather than focus on what you or your partner should have done in the past. Consider what you could do now and which strategies resonate most with your financial goals. Trade past-oriented "shoulds" with forward-thinking "coulds" when talking about money.

Don’t Wait

It's easy to put off money conversations but don’t wait too long. It’s better to have early and regular communication about finances than to wait for a perfect moment that may or may not ever come.

There will always be a payment that hasn’t cleared or an account iss🌄ue to troubleshoot. That’s the very purpose of having these conversations regularly. You can build solid money habits together and share oversight of y🧜our financial life.

Make It an Occasion

“Make these conversations something you look forward to. I’ve seen couples order takeout from one of their favorite restaurants, get dressed up, or 𝔉open a bottle of wine,” Weiss says.

These money chats ꦫon a date night can be great for confirming if your timeline for the future will match up with the growth of your savings and investment accounts. They can also mark money wins for one or both of you and these enjoyable settings can mute the blow of financial setbacks.

They aren’t ideal for crunching numbers or tackling highly sensitive points of contention, h♌owever. You should work with a professional in both🥂 these cases.

Seek Outside Help

✤You and your partner might sometimes feel stuck on money issues even after repeated constructive attempts to work through things together. Consider getting unbiased guidance from a financial professional to get unstuck. Certified experts are required to stay abreast of the latest trends, tools, and tactics to make the most of any situation.

Try couples counseling to have a neutral party moderate difficult conversations if your talks consistently get heated and communication breaks down. A therapist can help reveal any root issues that are driving money conflicts and provide tools to discuss 🍬finances healthily.

Meeting with a couples' financial advisor can offer an impartial outside perspective. An expert can assess your complete financial picture collaboratively and map out customized strategies to help you gain clarity on financial decisions or overcome hurdles.

The Bottom Line

Transparent communication is crucial for a healthy relationship. Start with trust and empathy. These early discussions can focus on establishing a baseline of understanding about how your money scripts have to change if you’re going to share a future. Raising financial matters with your partner isn’t just about discussing debt. You'll also want to set shared financial goals, discuss career and income changes, and adjust budgets to suit your needs.

Financial plans change over a lifetime so expect that the discussions will continue. Give it time before revisiting intractable issues if some topics are heavier than others. Neither partner should be kept in the dark whether you combine your finances or keep them separate. Financial transparency is a pillar of a successful relationship.